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Post  Post subject: Jello filled blow-up doll??  |  Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 12:00 am
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Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:08 pm
Posts: 41
Location: The nanny state

There's no doubt that musicians have a few stripped screws, it wouldn't do any good to try and tighten them because they'll just come loose again, so why bother.

A few days prior to our show New Years Eve at the Central Pub in Kent it was brought to our attention that one of our buds was filling up a plastic blow-up love doll with Jello, and was bringing it with him to the show for a little added entertainment. What? Keep in mind he's a bass player and I don't know what it is about bass players but they all seem to salivate heavily when it comes to finding new ways of fucking shit up. So I'm thinking in the back of my mind about another time when John brought a whole half cooked turkey to a show and watching it get drop kicked accross the dance floor and nearly knocking some poor bitch out just minding her own business. So I'm thinking, ok, what harm could a midget blow up doll filled with Jello do?

So we get to the show, set everything up, and now it's time to drink some beer, as usual. Upon coming back from the bar with a pitcher, I notice this "thing" laying on the table. It's pink, it's plastic and it has what apeers to be a dick. Not to mention the fact that it's one of the stupidest things I'd seen at a bar. I was a little nervous about where this accident waiting to happen might end up, but as long as the Jello stayed "in" it, I'll just try not to think about it.

As the night progressed, we played our set and I considered it a sucksess because I only had one blue screen error. I've gotten pretty good at covering them up though. After you do anything enough times you eventually get good at it. So we break our shit down and pack it all out to the van. Now it's time to kick back and get drunk(er). Just when I'm at peace with the world John comes up to me and says, hey sorry about the hood of the van. AH FUCK! Without even asking, I knew what it was. So I storm over to look, hoping for just a small rupture, when I see what looks like a full blown massacre. "Come on you guys, you got Jello all over the front of the van, all over the windshield, down the vents, on the grille, and this God damned midget with a finger dick just laying there split wide open like somebody took an axe to it." So I threw the dummy on the ground, and proceeded to brush off what I could. And now it's starting to rain, that means the windshield wipers will be smearing this shit all over the window. And now my fucking hands are all sticky to boot.

So John said sorry about that, though I know deep down he was exstatic about the kill. He offered to buy me a Jager shot to make ammends, and being the kind of guy I am, I accepted. We managed to get home and later pass out into slumberland, but the next day was time to go look at the damage. In daylight.

FuuuuuuuuuCK! What a fuckin mess! That fuckin sticky-ass slime was splattered everywhere, it looked like a reenactment of the chainsaw massacre. It wouldn't come off by scrubbing it with a wet sponge and garden hose, which by the way was not a pleasant damned experience when it's like 35 degrees outside. Dustin and I had to scrape that shit off with a god damned putty knife. We spent nearly an hour getting soaked and freezing our ass off. I know one thing, I'm sure somewhere along the line McGiver must have used Jello to glue something together, because it was STUCK!

Anyway, thanks guys for another miserable episode of mess. At least Mr. latex with the dick didn't come home with us like everything else seems to do.

Post  Post subject: Re: Jello filled blow-up doll??  |  Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:14 pm
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Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:06 pm
Posts: 1

You know, if you boiled some water and poured it over it, it would have come right off... Jello dissolves in hot water. Almost-freezing water from the garden hose would just make it set harder...

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