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Post  Post subject: Soggy, mildew, moss, muddy fucking mess !  |  Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:39 pm
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Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:08 pm
Posts: 41
Location: The nanny state

If ya'll have read my past posts, you know I hate this God forsaken part of the country as far as the weather is concerned. I am really not that surprized that the majority of people living in the "Great Northwest" love this soggy moss infected soaked in mud fucking hell hole. I assume they just don't know any better.
I am a busy fucking person, and I don't have a lot of time to "spend the day in my fucking yard" like most of my neighbors. I have to grab the chance to mow my grass when I can "grab the fucking chance to mow my grass"! But it rains so fucking much here that when I do have time, I can't, unless I want to wear a rainsuit........IN FUCKING JUNE!!!!
So last week I waited for the rain to stop, and by some unknown miracle it did. So I dragged the stupid lawnmower to the back yard and tried to start it. I pulled on that fucking chord so many times I ended up with blisters on my hand, I know.....waaaaaa, well let me tell you, it's no fucking fun! After taking a bunch of shit off of it, and fucking with the sparkplug it finally took off. Ever try mowing wet tall fucking grass? It sucks, you have to baby the stupid thing through it because if it dies you may never get it started again and you end up with a lawn that looks like somebody did crop circles who sucks at it.
After running over and chopping up all the dog shit laying around, all the empty beer cans hidden in the grass, pinecones, big sticks, plastic bottles and a sock, I finally accomplished my task. But now it's time for the electric weedeater and I'm feeling a few rain drops on my head. FUCK! Now I'm racing to get this done, but as my luck goes I know I'm in trouble. Sure as fuck, it's starts raining again. My long ass chord is not in the best of shape, been ran over with the lawn mower more than once, so it has bare wires in a few spots. Guess what, yea, I found the fucking spots and got zapped a few times dragging that fucking thing around. Now it's pouring and I'm getting drenched.
Then 2 days later, and of course it's still raining, I get woke up because there's water leaking through the foundation. Turns out the gutters are full of pine needles and the drain is plugged, so there's a waterfall spewing over the gutter and creating a lake next to the foundation. The dumbasses that built the house never sealed the concrete so the water found it's way through the original pins that held the forms together when they poured the cement. Fucking idiots. So I'm packing plumbers putty in the hole to try to stop the leak. I finally stopped it and went back to bed, jesus christ man, does this shit ever stop?
Fuck this weather! Anybody that lives here and brags about how much they like the rain can pack wet grass up their hineys, the day I retire I'm gettin the hell out of this waterlogged soggy muddy moss covered having to wear winter clothes in June fucking pathetic part of the country and moving someplace where I can actually enjoy getting drunk while bar-b-queing without freezing my ass off and getting soaked. Anybody know how to cement an entire yard and roll green paint on it? Fuck it, Gore, you suck, is a matter of fact you should collect a bucket of this rainwater and give yourself an enema with it!

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